I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
