Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
