That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
not ubering you a puppy
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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