I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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