two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
