There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
