waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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