nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
