shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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