apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
