We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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