you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
