I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
