Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
