they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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