he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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