Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
