sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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