sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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