i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
