i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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