You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
