Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
