My friends, they love my intelligence
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
