You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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