U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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