you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need a beard to bite.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
