I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
