Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
