Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
