I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
