and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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