my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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