lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
