Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
