Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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