If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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