Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
