Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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