Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my phone needs a breathalizer
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
