Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
