im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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