I've blown a few things in my day
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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