So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
