I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
