I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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