how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
