how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
