I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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