ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize