Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
