my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
