guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize