my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
