I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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