Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
