I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize