So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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