just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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