Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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