By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
