Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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