we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
