Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
