She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
