Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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