Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
