I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
