That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
