but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
