Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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