I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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