There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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