You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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