I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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