I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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