so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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