If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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