Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
