so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
