She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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