Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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