Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
