i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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