I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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