This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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