watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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