we're blogging at a bar
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
