You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize