I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
