Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
