I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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