aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
