ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
