was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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