so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
