before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
