you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
