all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
