I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
