1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
