if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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