just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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