She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
