The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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