Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
