1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize