i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
