I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
whose parrot is this?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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