last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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